Thursday, December 24, 2009

done at Christmas time

i'm officially done with cornell. my grades are in, by the grace of God i've passed, and i'm moving on. it's been really great, and i hope to write about that more later. hopefully there'll be a lot more writing going on here soon. here are a few thoughts on Christmas eve:

we had a candle-lighting part of our Christmas eve service at church, and one thing that really hit me was when people were moving with their lit candles, they had to keep their hand in front of it to keep it from blowing out. i find it awesome that we can let our light shine, and move with it, without having to hide it for fear of blowing out. on the contrary, i find the more we move with our light, the heartier the flame becomes, and the Spirit acts as our shield against what would blow us out. as the old song goes, "won't let satan *whoo* it out; i'm gonna let it shine!"

we were also watching the muppet's Christmas carol tonight, which is a family tradition at our house. the ups and downs of my heart in that movie are quiet draining and moving at the same time. one thing that struck me in particularly was how it all fades, how none of the good bits last nearly as long as i want them too, and how even some of the best songs (like "one more sleep til Christmas") have some shadow in them (that cheery song ends with a homeless rabbit trying to sleep out in the cold). i think i'm particularly open to bittersweetness right now, with the ups and downs of graduating.

all of that points me toward heaven and toward eternity. one day, God will remove all evil, and there will be no more evil, no more sorrow that mixes with joy to produce a beautiful pain and heartache. and there will be no end to the joyous song, no end to the perfect rejoicing in our eternal and faithful God. our Jesus will always be with us, unchangingly beautiful and joy-filling.

i find that nothing here satisfies, either fading or tarnished, so i know there must be more outside. i think i'm beginning to awaken after a long sleep, to stretch atrophied muscles and a shrunken heart, and to move again. God, don't let me get complacent. i want more. let this be just the beginning of what's next, just another step along the way to fuller joy in You, that You would be shown as glorious, worthy of our treasuring, worthy of our all.

g'night, folks, and merry Christmas. may God grant you peace with Him and joy in knowing and celebrating Emmanuel.

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