best thinking is done in the bathroom

so much to write, so little time. hopefully sooner than later.

in any case, one random thought i had in the shower. the Bible says God kicked the human race out of the garden of eden and cursed them, the devil, and the world, because they ate of the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil". now this may be completely whack, but i was thinking, "what exactly is meant by the 'knowledge of good and evil'" and here's my idea. we know without the fall, God would not have had to save sinners, the glory of God's grace and mercy would not have shown through the cross of Christ, etc. so the knowledge of good is the knowledge (and not just intellectual, but Biblically knowing, like you know a person) of Christ, of the glorious grace of God, of His great love for us, of His justice, etc. the knowledge of evil is knowing (again, in the intimate Biblical sense) rebellion and hatred of God and death. just a thought.

a prayer

Though I don’t always see it,
I know I’m in Your hand.
And though I may not know it,
I know You have a plan.

And though the way is dreary,
And though the night is dark,
I know that You are near me,
And that You guard my heart.

Though sometimes I do wander
And stray far from the way,
I know that You have bought me
And will ever near me stay.

And when my thoughts, around and round,
in downward spirals go,
You guide for Your name’s sake
While I am here below.

And someday all my longing
To see You face to face
Will be satisfied in glory
And I will sing Your grace.

So keep me while I struggle
And strive upon this earth
To see You and to know You
And to proclaim Your worth.

Let me love You always,
And catch me when I fall,
Let me know You as my treasure,
And crown Lord of all.

roman piper

i really enjoy the fact that john piper, in 3 of his 6 messages on romans 1:16-17, spent significant time passionately urging his people to think and use “their God-given brains” to wrestle with the argument and meaning of the text. i need to learn how to do it humbly, but this gives me hope that you can say stuff like that and not chase everyone around you away.

he also talks about needing to fight to believe the gospel every day. it comforts me to know that “even someone like him” does. i hate to admit it, but i do set those guys (podcast preachers) up on a bit of a pedestal. but it is encouraging to know that men who have been at this for many years and can think circles around me theologically have this struggle as well, and are "fighting the good fight of faith". on the other hand, it scares me a bit. but Got is faithful, as it is written, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever."

core dump

too many thoughts, so i’m just going to start typing out as much as i can on here:

i find i’m turning in to myself too much, that is, being inwardly focused. i’m struggling in part because i feel like part of my time here could be greatly used to advance me in knowledge that i’ll need later to serve others. there are a few dozen things i want to work on, from learning greek to working down my huge list of books to read to Bible study (self-study, learning study habits and methods, commentaries, sermons, memorization...)... the list goes on.

another part of me wants to get out and serve, to be “on mission”, but i feel like i have no idea how. i could do a bunch of contact ev, or try to street preach, or i’m thinking about starting a gig-type group (aka seekers Bible study) at a local coffeehouse or something, or maybe there’s something i’ve not yet thought/heard of. there’s also wanting to reach out to the people at my job, but i honestly don’t know how to do that.

part of this whole problem is the lack of older guys to teach me how to do this stuff, and how to balance it. i know i can’t shrug off my responsibility on that, but i honestly don’t know who to look up to on some of this stuff. i really need to find a mentor down here to talk things through with and get some wisdom from.

that goes back to why i always want to beat the drum for the local church, the local expression of the Body to help and equip each other, “encouraging each other toward love and good works,” as the author of Hebrews puts it. which i don’t know many churches to do.

like i was walking around church this morning between services, and the only people that said one word to me were the greeters, which on the one hand are helpful but in a sense is really fake, or at least seems like it, and those who i already knew. but i was just as guilty of this negligence, because i wasn’t introducing myself either. and there’s a part of me that wants to excuse myself, saying that i’m not really part of this church, i don’t know who is new and who isn’t. but i am a part of the Body, and i was there all fall, so while i don’t know most people, i could introduce myself and either welcome someone to the church or get to know those who are already there and plugged in.

but that’s not a part of church culture. it’s like a restaurant: get in, order, get fed, leave. and i exaggerate somewhat, because there is genuine worship of God by many, and the sermon is generally solid (today’s particularly so). but there isn’t a sense of the Body; that happens in small group, which often are so artificial that people feel obligated to join rather than joyfully coming together as a loving family (which too few of us know what that really looks like or means anyway). oh, that we would learn and act out these things that we find in God’s holy Word, out of joy and obedience.

and i even know where to begin, how to change things. sometimes it all feels so hopeless; but often i am invigorated through His Word and through real fellowship. i cannot express what a joy and treasure the dwynl group is to me. they are the only guys i know where anything like this is happening seriously, and it seems to be growing in leaps and bounds, though i’m not sure how many of the others see that. then again, perhaps there are places where that’s happening around me that i’m just not seeing.

i am very grateful for the family that God has given me. sitting around the table with my aunt and uncle, my cousin and his bride and their 4 kids is truly a delight and a blessing. two things were incredibly beautiful yesterday. i was playing with emmie (just shy of 2 years old) in the back yard. she had climbed up the stairs on the swingset, and was trying to climb back down, but only got one set down before she froze. she couldn’t get herself out of it; she couldn’t get down or turn around to climb back up. so i asked if she wanted help. she can’t really talk yet, so just held out my arms and took a step towards the stairs. without a second thought, she leaned forward and fell into my arms. i set her down on the ground, and she ran over to where her dad and sister were on the swings. and i just stood there, begging God to grant me that kind of faith in Him. that is what Jesus means when He talks about child-like faith. and i want to trust Him like that so much.

the other was when the kids were leaving with their parents, james (4 years old) came over and whispered in my ear “don’t be afraid; you can pray to Jesus, because Jesus loves you and He’s in your heart”. such a simple blessing; i almost cried. i need to remind my brothers and sisters of that more often.

my, it’s hard to be worried when i remember God’s grace in things like that. God will work this out, though i don’t know how. i still need to figure out how to balance my use of time between these things, but He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews again; man, i’m really starting to like that book). be in prayer for me, fam, for our Dad delights to answers the prayers of His people when they ask and depend on Him. and may He bless you as well, and make you a blessing to others.

gird your loins

so i was listening to the mars hill men's "advance" 2007, and the idea of the armor of God was brought up. a lot of good was said about it, and the message overall was a helpful call to thoughtful action.

i grew up reading the king james' version of the Bible. it wasn't until high school that we started using the niv. so when we started reading shakespeare in school, and all of my friends were struggling with the "old english", i just thought it was like church. anyway, the point is that many passages of the Bible that are the "classic" memory verses, i have memorized in the kjv.

you might wonder what these have to do with each other. well, many modern day translations (niv, esv, nlt) call the first part of the armor of God the "belt of truth" (Eph. 6). growing up on the kjv, i learned it as "girding your loins about with truth."

the reason i bring this up is that, in my experience, belts are often in modern times just decorative, not necessarily serving much of a purpose. but in ancient times, men would wear long robes, and when they would prepare for battle or something that required ease of movement, they would tie up their robes about their loins so that it would not impede them. this is what the apostle paul had in mind when he was talking about truth in the armor of God, namely, that it prepares us for action.

1 Peter 1:13 also uses this same imagery. many translations get the gist of it right, "preparing your minds for action", and the esv does make a note that in the greek, it says "girding up the loins of your mind." this is what the truth is to do for us: in learning truth, we are to be preparing for acting on it. we are to tie up what may get in our way, and be ready to act on truth, particularly the truth of the Word of God, the Truth that is in Christ.

i guess sometimes it pays to be old school.

thoughts between the cross and the empty tomb

"God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

a few things that came to mind today, of how great the glory of our God in His gospel is.

it is true that Christ died the death we deserved, but it is not true that He died the death we now deserve, because we are counted righteous in Him, and we are new creatures, and that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. so we no longer deserve that death, because it was paid for at calvary.

i would highly recommend that anyone with a free hour over the next few days listen to session 11 of the resolved conference last summer, in which c.j. mahaney addresses Christ's cry, the scream of the damned, from the cross. it is powerful.

i think i've mentioned this before, but i love some of the paradoxes of the Christian faith. some frustrate me, most confuse me, but there are some that make my heart leap for joy. the fact that we celebrate the wondrous cross on which our Savior died on a day we call good friday is further proof of great our God is, to take the awful and make it wonderful.

all this has pointed me to the idea that, though we ought to take time to look at the seriousness of our sin and the depth of our depravity, especially on good friday, we ought to celebrate it all the more because of the love of God poured out in it. we ought not get so caught up in our sin that we miss the love and grace of God which is displayed in the cross. though it is dark and gory and awful, at the same time the cross is wonderful, joyful, and glorious. and so let us celebrate the cross, rejoicing in it, because it truly is good news.

"in this the love of God was made manifest among us, tha God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. in this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:9-10)

a grace-filled day

some random thoughts from a good day in our blessed God's hand:

~head-banging to rebel while reading a book on athanasius's battle with the arians in the library is definitely a different way of doing things.

~i find that i am more satisfied in God and more affectionately joyful in Him when i am forced to put it into words to express His grace to others. thanks to all who asked me how i was today.

~writing prayer requests on my hands makes them hard to forget, and draws me more often into reliance on God to be at work when i am not, helping me to be "overwhelmed to the point of prayer."

~if we are Christ's bride, not yet married, then i think dwelling on the feeling of being engaged may perhaps heighten my understanding of what it means that we groan for our future union with Him and the revealing of His full glory.